Gum Was a Much Bigger Deal // Have Either of You Ever Been in a Pyramid Scheme [20]
F**kface #20 · published 2020-10-14 · archive #21

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[0:00:13] Unidentified: Going on vacation? We're here for it. With kids who turn the backseat into a courtroom drama over whose tablet is louder, whose charger is faster, and why watching the same cartoon for the hundredth time is a human right. Yep, we totally have vehicles to handle that. Because whether it's a road trip or a business trip, where your flight's delayed, your phone's at 2% and your dinner is whatever is open. Yep, here for that too. Enterprise, we're here for it.
[0:00:53] Geoff: Gavin's here one minute early. That's a little inconvenient of him. Pretty inconvenient. Little inconsiderate. Who's taped to the top? It was a whole thing. It was a whole thing. You missed it. You had to be there. It was very funny. That being said, Gavin, Andrew and I came up with an idea that's going to be a bit, some point in the future of F**kface, and I don't know that we'll tell you about it. But know that there's a very funny bit coming sometime in the next three years. Holy shit, I can't wait, Jeff.
[0:01:19] Andrew: That's your reaction? I can't wait? With everything that's happened on this show? I'm excited?
[0:01:24] Gavin: Oh, I should, oh. Oh, ooh.
[0:01:26] Andrew: I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just saying, like, you and I have different reactions to unexpected bits, or things that we know might be coming but aren't.
[0:01:34] Gavin: I just feel like it can't be worse than anything else.
[0:01:37] Andrew: What does that mean? What's your bar? What's the bar for anything else?
[0:01:42] Gavin: Well, I don't know. Look at the world.
[0:01:45] Andrew: Okay. No, that's fair. In that context, you're right. It's not going to be that bad.
[0:01:49] Geoff: Man, Gav, now that Boston has left the NBA playoffs, and they cease to exist until the new season starts in January or whenever, I realize I can't talk to Andrew anymore. Because you disagree? No, we're going to have to go back to no communication. I texted him last night, and I had something I wanted to say to him, and I couldn't remember what it was. And I texted him, and I was like, hey, dude, are you around? And then I checked back, like, 10 minutes later, and I had forgotten what I was going to say. And I was like, oh, never mind. I can't remember what I was going to say. And then he was like, is this a bit? Are you doing a bit? And I was like, I don't think so. I can't remember what I was going to say, so I guess it could have been a bit. But I don't think... I'm certainly not doing a bit now, but he wouldn't believe me. And then I was confused as to whether he was doing a bit, and now it's just like, I just got to wash my hands of the whole thing.
[0:02:31] Gavin: Wait, are you saying that in order to start a text conversation with someone, you don't just type the thing? You say, hello, like, are you there first?
[0:02:39] Andrew: No. Yeah. No, you didn't do... It was something specific to the show, which then made me suspicious later. It was... I don't remember what the exact wording was, but it was a question in regards to today. Well, all right, I'm just going to pull it up, because it's... I think it was like, you ready for tomorrow or something, and I didn't... I was like, yeah, of course.
[0:02:59] Geoff: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I texted him, I said, hey, are you ready to record tomorrow? And he said, of course, it's my favorite part of the week. I love you, you're my favorite person on Earth. Please don't tell Gavin. Some of that is true. While I'm not myself attracted to men, I do find you very attractive, which I thought was a strange thing for him to say. But I was like, cool, man, appreciate it, I think you're great too. And he said, no, no, I mean it, I really mean it, you're sexy. And I said, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I said, anyway, sorry, I forgot what I asked you. And I was like, that's lame, I asked you, I was gonna, I hit you up like 90 seconds ago to ask you a question, I can't believe I forgot already, and then he lost his mind.
[0:03:31] Andrew: I don't think I lost my mind. I just, I brought up a level of concern. It's very odd to forget something 90 seconds later that is so specific. Like you had no clue, or you appeared to at least have no clue, which makes no sense.
[0:03:45] Geoff: I really don't, I really don't. That's a 45, dude. I, my brain ears are behind me. Although, I will say I'm pretty jazzed about my idea to make little baseball bats that say f*** face on them. That's a bad idea. It's the best idea ever. Why? Why would we do that? The cute little baseball bats that you get at the game, and then on the bottom they say f*** face instead of, with our logo.
[0:04:04] Gavin: Do you realize that this isn't actually a baseball podcast?
[0:04:06] Geoff: Yeah, but it's called f*** face, because of a Billy Ripken f*** face baseball bat.
[0:04:14] Gavin: It's maybe like 1% baseball. It's 99% not baseball.
[0:04:18] Geoff: Yeah, but that's a great gift.
[0:04:20] Gavin: Yeah, you want to sell baseball cards, baseball bats, a jersey.
[0:04:25] Geoff: I don't care about a jersey. Who said jersey? I don't know, I'm just adding. Listen, if you want to sell a jersey, I think it's a great idea. We'll sell a jersey, Gavin. I think little tiny baseball bats with the f*** face logo on the bottom where Billy Ripken wrote f*** face would be, they would be a delight. We'll make 100 of them, we'll sell them, it'll become a great thing. I think Andrew's afraid people are going to beat him to death with them.
[0:04:44] Andrew: Yeah, I was going to say, I've never seen someone pitch something so excitedly that would arm the audience. It just seems like a terrible idea. I don't know why we'd do it.
[0:04:54] Gavin: Did you intro this, by the way, before I got here?
[0:04:56] Andrew: Oh, no, we didn't. I don't think, somebody sent me a whole thing about how I was wrong about the no punting thing. So maybe I need to adjust my position on intros.
[0:05:04] Gavin: What was the no punting thing?
[0:05:06] Andrew: I said that, or always punt. The reversal of what I just said is what I meant, that you should always punt. But I guess that's flawed data based on high school games, so I don't know.
[0:05:14] Gavin: Does that actually apply to whether we need an intro or not, though?
[0:05:16] Andrew: My point was that people do things because it's the standard and not because it makes sense on occasion. I understand your point. It's like the granny shot. It's a way better free throw. Statistically, and just the physics of the granny shot make way more sense. It has a higher probability of going in, but nobody does it because it looks dumb.
[0:05:33] Geoff: Yeah, because athletes still want to get laid at the end of the day.
[0:05:36] Andrew: That's the problem. My point is that there's a better way to do a thing that people don't do because it's the standard is to shoot the other way.
[0:05:43] Geoff: What's the coolest thing you've done? When I was 27, I was about 26 or 27. I started a global phenomenon, new media production company.
[0:05:57] Andrew: That's pretty cool. When I was like seven, I won a bunch of tickets in an arcade and I got banned from the arcade. It was great.
[0:06:05] Geoff: Wow, really? You won them legitimately?
[0:06:07] Andrew: Oh, yeah. Well, sort of. They had this one machine where you'd put the token and it would go down a ramp and depending on where it landed on the ramp, you'd get a certain number of tickets. And I realized if you tilted it a certain way, you would always get 150 tickets. So that's all I did. I just killed them on this ramp game. And then they had this claw machine where you could like go in and pick up these massive like stacks of tickets. Nobody had ever won it before. I'm the first person to have ever won anything from that machine and they didn't know what to do with me. I got like an alarm clock. I got six board games. I cleaned them out.
[0:06:41] Gavin: That's awesome. I may have told this on the Rooster Teeth podcast years ago, but I think the coolest thing I've ever done still to this day, I was about 16 or something. I was in Tenerife, one of the Canary Islands, and a bunch of sort of holiday friends and I were all together. And I was just kind of sat on a rock and a few of them were trying to throw a stone into this tiny hole, like way up on the side of the cliff. We were like down on a beach and there was like a hole in the cliff up above. And they were honestly trying to throw a stone into this hole for about maybe two and a half, three hours. And people were like winging the side. Not really. No one was really close. And there was this plastic chair that was someone had smashed to pieces. And I just strolled up after like almost three hours to be like, oh, I'm sick of this. I'm just going to throw a stone in this and be done with it. I put a stone like in the plastic leg of the chair, like in the channel. And I did like a 360 spin and did like a high lie whip with this stone. And it shot hundreds of feet straight into this hole. And to this day, I don't think I've ever been so impressive.
[0:07:42] Andrew: I think the moral of the story is Gavin and I are way cooler.
[0:07:45] Geoff: No, totally. The only other thing I could say is one time I bought a, when I was a kid, gum was a bigger deal when I was a kid. Like all the gum now, dudes and ladies, people my age will agree with me. In the 80s, gum was a much bigger deal. Like Big League Chew, Hubba Bubba, Bubble Yum, Bubbalicious. It was always on TV. They were wild. They were always like mango strawberries and banana cherry. And there were all these crazy flavors. Now it's just like fucking some flavor of spearmint or cinnamon to make you fucking breath feel better or whatever. But there was, there's no pizzazz. The gold in their era of gum as a kid is over. I defy you to go buy like a six pack of Hubba Bubba with wacky flavors now. You can't do it. You can't go buy root beer flavored Bubble Bubbalicious. When I was a kid, that shit was the shit. But so one time I bought a pack of Hubba Bubba and there was like a national, do you guys know, do you guys know what the GoBots are?
[0:08:48] Gavin: Nah.
[0:08:49] Andrew: By name, I do.
[0:08:50] Geoff: Okay. Do you know what Transformers are? Yeah.
[0:08:52] Andrew: Yes.
[0:08:53] Geoff: GoBots were the competitor to Transformers in the 80s. They had a cartoon. It was very popular. It was shitty. It wasn't as good as Transformers. It was like the poor man's Transformers, right? But they had some cool shit. Anyway, so there was like a GoBots competition where you could like enter in in the Hubba Bubba and then if you win, I don't know, you win some GoBots or some shit. And I won first place. I entered in and I won first place in the Hubba Bubba GoBots thing. Was it just like a submission? Yeah. And I got a free, like four months later in the mail, I got a free GoBot. How much is a GoBot worth? Oh, I don't think it was worth a lot. Like 10 bucks. I don't know. It was a big deal to me. It was the only thing I ever won. That was the coolest thing you did? That's probably the coolest thing. Coolest thing I've ever... I was kidding about the Rooster Teeth thing. Rooster Teeth is one of the nerdier things I've ever done. Also, you didn't really just stroll up and start Rooster Teeth.
[0:09:42] Gavin: It was more of a years-long process. It'd be funny if you could stand in front of a girl and be like, watch this, and then you start a company.
[0:09:52] Geoff: It's like an Animal Crossing when you go to the DIY bench, like... Here's an employee company. I think maybe I told this story on an RT podcast years ago, but when I lived in Jacksonville, Florida, I was maybe 10. All the kids in the summer would meet at this one kid's house, and we would all go ride bikes or throw rocks at each other or whatever. They're two kind of different things there. Yeah, well, you didn't grow up in Florida in the 80s. Back when gum was cool. Yeah, back when gum was fucking cool. So one day I went over, and all the kids were already there, and we had this huge, like, six, maybe seven-foot-tall quarter pipe that one of the kids' older brothers made. And it was too big for us to skateboard on because we were fucking shitty. Or too big to drop in on. We would skateboard on it, but not drop in on it. Anyway, all the kids were standing around on their bikes, and I go, hey, what are you guys doing? And they go, oh, we all just jumped this ramp. And I went, on what? And they're like, on our bikes. And I was like, but it's got, like, a foot of vert. How did you do it?
[0:10:52] Geoff: And they're like, we went down the end of the street and got going really fast and did it. And I was like, wow, sorry I missed that. And they're like, yeah, you really did miss it. It was really cool, and we're all really cool, and you're a pussy if you don't do it. And I was like, you know, use the parlance of the 80s. And I go, excuse me? And they're like, yeah, every one of us. They're like, even fucking that kid did it. I don't even remember who that kid was. And I was like, oh. And they're like, yeah, you're like, basically, you can't hang out with us if you don't do it. You're like, because we're all in the club now, and you're not cool unless you do it. Did you pull out, Andrew, and you're like, I did it. I already did it. No, I was like, I was like, fucking feeling the vice grip of peer pressure. And I was like, okay, I guess I'll do it. How far back should I go on my bike? And they're like, it takes a lot. Go down the end of the street. So I went all the way down to the end of the street, which was, by the way, my house. My house was at the end of the street. And I thought, this is not a good idea, but what choice do I have? I won't have any friends if I don't do this. Like, the whole neighborhood did it. I'll be the only kid in the neighborhood who didn't jump the ramp.
[0:11:53] Geoff: The sweet old lady next door, she's already done it. Yeah, she's already done it. And so I got my little BMX, and I pedaled my ass off, and I went as far as I could at this thing. And I just, I'll be honest with you, I closed my eyes, and I hit the ramp. And my eyes squeezed entirely, like, super shut, and I hit this, like, seven-foot-tall quarter pipe. And I felt the sensation of being in the air and my stomach dropping. And then I heard, kabam! Kabam! And I opened my eyes, and there was nothing but smoke and white around me. And I swear to God, I thought, oh, no, I died. Now I'm in heaven. Because I just saw white clouds, and all I could see was white clouds. And for, like, four seconds, I was like, I'm dead. The ramp killed me, and I'm in heaven. And I'm looking around, like, what the fuck? I'm dead. I'm in, like, is this purgatory? Like, where do I go? And the smoke cleared away, and I realized what happened was, I launched so high and so far into the air, and I came up. I basically, I leveled out, and then I came straight down seven feet,
[0:12:54] Geoff: popped both of my tires, which created both of them, both front and back tire just exploded. There was tons of, like, just fucking debris and smoke, I guess, from that, I don't know, and, like, dust from it being Florida. And I just assumed that I had died because my eyes were closed, and I didn't see what happened. And all the kids had their fucking jaws open. And I was like, am I alive? The coolest thing to say. And they're like, oh, my God. And I'm like, what? And they're like, I can't believe you did it. And I'm like, well, of course I did it. You guys did it. I didn't have a choice. And they're like, no, no, no, we were all too scared to do it. Nobody would do it. We just thought we could trick you into doing it. And I was like, oh. And then for that summer, I was the coolest kid on the street.
[0:13:32] Gavin: I mean, that is the best outcome for them. Like, they watched you just ride away from them, and then there was an explosion.
[0:13:38] Geoff: Yeah. And then I didn't have a bike for, like, a month because I didn't have tires. I had to get my mom to take me to the store, and she was not about it. I like that for once you were really popular, but you couldn't go and hang out with them because your bike was gone. Yeah, because my bike was useless. That same fucking bike one time, I was riding it, and the day I got a Walkman for my birthday, I got my first Walkman and my first tape. The tape was John Cougar, American Fool, and so I was listening to Jack and Diane and riding my bike, going as fast as I could with my headphones on, and the handlebars came off, and I fell forward and drove over myself and smashed the day I got it on my birthday, smashed my Walkman.
[0:14:18] Andrew: Same bike. I appreciate that all three of our coolest moment stories are essentially an accident. It was a thing we didn't mean to pull off, but it happened.
[0:14:26] Geoff: There's no skill involved. Just gullibility and luck. Yes, the most important of things. So what's new in y'all's week since last we spoke?
[0:14:36] Andrew: I made an NFL bet like two weeks ago.
[0:14:39] Gavin: That was almost the worst thing. This is your big financial calamity, right?
[0:14:42] Andrew: Yeah. It was a calamity. Well, okay. So there's this football pool I play in sometimes, and you have to guess who will win the games, and if you get every game right, you win whatever the pool is.
[0:14:54] Geoff: Is this why you were crying the other day?
[0:14:56] Andrew: Yes.
[0:14:57] Geoff: Yes, it was. Okay.
[0:14:59] Andrew: And so I thought, I'll go in this right now. Whatever. It's 2 a.m. I'll just make a card. It's like a $95,000 pool, which is way more than what it typically is. I'll enter this. I feel really good. I thought about my picks. I made my card, submitted it, and then I was showing it to Eric the next day, and when I was showing it to Eric, I realized I picked the opposite of what I wanted on one of the spaces, and it was like the worst team, the worst team in that area. Like, it was by far the biggest underdog pick I could make. So my card was essentially useless, but then I was in this dilemma of, well, do I buy a new card just to be wrong because I'm almost certainly not going to win this, or do I just live with it and whatever? What are the odds that I get the card right except for that one pick? And then as the games progressed, every single miracle in football happened that weekend, and it kept making my card win. It's the only time. I never win ever. It's the, but every time, I was unstoppable. I was on a winning streak. Every game was turning my way.
[0:15:59] Andrew: Onside kicks, getting recovered, that never happens. Just crazy comebacks. It was ridiculous. But every time they won, it just hurt more. It's the only time in my life where winning was extremely painful with every game. And it came down to the final game, which was the Raiders versus the Saints. And the Saints were projected to blow out the Raiders, but they lost. And so I didn't have to live with the fact that I would have lost whatever money that card would win. What would it have won you? Turns out it was only like $1,000. Oh, okay. $800 maybe. Like it wasn't life-changing money, but I didn't know that at the time.
[0:16:31] Geoff: So that many other people got it right too?
[0:16:34] Andrew: Yeah, I think like 70 people got it right under the assumption the Raiders would win, which was rare. So you'd have to think it'd probably be like doubled what they won if the Saints won. So it'd be even less. But yeah, it was just miserable. I've never been so happy to be a loser. Like I was just cheering nonstop that the bet I made completely failed. It's the happiest I've been. I don't know if I could have watched football if the Saints wouldn't have won that game.
[0:16:57] Gavin: What would you have done if it was like you were going to get the entire pool and you lost because of that error? What if you lost like 90 grand?
[0:17:04] Andrew: I would have just, I would have, I don't know what I would have done. I would have walked the streets aimlessly. I probably would have cried in a McDonald's at one point. There'd be a lot of soul searching. I don't think I could watch football ever again.
[0:17:17] Geoff: I would be a changed person.
[0:17:18] Gavin: You'd wipe the tears away
[0:17:19] Geoff: with your favorite carrot muffin.
[0:17:20] Gavin: I feel like that we need to prevent this kind of thing from happening at all costs because the more damaged you get as a person, Andrew, the more dangerous you become to everyone else. Yeah. So it's really good for all of us that.
[0:17:32] Andrew: I think it's actually reverse. I don't want to do anything if I'm sad. I think the happier I am, the more I want to fuck with everybody. I think it's flipped.
[0:17:42] Gavin: Andrew, you made me sad for the first time on F*** Face. I got bummed out.
[0:17:46] Geoff: Yeah, me too. Why is that a sad thing? That was just so real, wasn't it? Yeah, it's real. I'm wondering what you mean. Andrew, I wish I could hug you right now. I didn't know that was a sad thing. That was really sad.
[0:17:57] Andrew: No, I'm saying that I get joy in doing pranks and like messing with people. So if I was miserable, I wouldn't have that joy. So why would I do those things?
[0:18:05] Gavin: Yeah, I just was imagining you just completely without purpose crying in a McDonald's that may or may not have had a basement.
[0:18:11] Andrew: Like a nerdy little Lex Luthor. No, that was, I apologize. That wasn't meant to be a sad thing. You don't have to apologize. I apologize for being sad. I didn't think that was a sad thing. I feel like reverse. I feel like if anything, that was supposed to be like, I'm an asshole because I enjoy messing with you guys.
[0:18:28] Gavin: Well, maybe in that case, you can put a disclaimer on the front of this episode. Be like, look, guys, I'm a prick. I'm an asshole, right?
[0:18:36] Andrew: That's a great idea, actually.
[0:18:38] Gavin: Waluigi is my god. I worship him. That was an interesting back away from the heel role that you took, I feel like. Yeah, yeah. What do you mean? You know, you were doing a good job of being a heel.
[0:18:46] Andrew: Yeah, but I don't, it's, I mean, it's complicated. Like there were, I had honestly never heard the word gaslighting before until after that came out. I just thought I was so wrong. Like to be so clearly in the wrong and to deny it was so absurd that it was funny, but I'd never heard of gaslighting or any of that stuff and I think it weirdly tapped into like political feelings people have, which is more of a sad statement of what's happening in politics. But yeah, no, I just, I had a blind spot for that.
[0:19:16] Gavin: I didn't realize until you showed me the clip that it was based on that UFC guy that you said was just denying his own voice.
[0:19:23] Andrew: Yeah, it was a dumb joke. Like it's a UFC reference from 2010 that nobody remembers. This person said a horrible statement that Lance Armstrong gave himself cancer by taking steroids and then he was called on it and he refused that he ever said it and then he went on a radio show and the person said, well, we have the clip. We'd like to play you the clip. Could you, could you respond to this? And they play it and it is so clearly him. Like it's undeniably him. And as soon as they go back to him, he says, that sounds nothing like me. You need to get the callers in here. Not a single one of them will think that that is my voice. That person sounds like they're a different ethnicity. That's not me at all.
[0:20:02] Gavin: He was like, no, definitely not me. No, that's clearly like a Hispanic voice. And it's just exactly the same voice that's currently talking.
[0:20:10] Andrew: Who was that that did it? Chael Sonnen. It was like a massive troll in MMA, but the absurdity of the denial I always thought was hilarious. So when Gavin presented me the audio, which is so clearly me, it's just where my brain immediately went.
[0:20:23] Gavin: It was very funny.
[0:20:24] Andrew: How about you, Gavin? You drop any water bottles
[0:20:26] Geoff: or anything this week?
[0:20:27] Gavin: No, I'm still wearing the shorts. I realized that I smashed the spare button. So all good on the shorts front.
[0:20:33] Geoff: Oh, that's nice.
[0:20:33] Gavin: Thanks for asking though.
[0:20:34] Geoff: Yeah, I'm similarly, I've had a very faceless week. I even did the root canal. It was fine. No pain, no nothing. It's great.
[0:20:43] Gavin: So you're all sorted now?
[0:20:44] Geoff: No, I got to go back. I got to go back in three weeks to get my crown put on. I still have a temporary tooth over the root canal.
[0:20:53] Andrew: I expect it to be eight weeks long. I don't remember every procedure you said, but when you explained to us in the past what you needed done, it felt like at least eight weeks of continuous work.
[0:21:02] Geoff: Yeah, well, by the time I get it on, it'll be like a three-month ordeal from start to finish, I think.
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[0:21:21] Unidentified: Going on vacation? We're here for it. With kids who turn the backseat into a courtroom drama over whose tablet is louder, whose charger is faster, and why watching the same cartoon for the hundredth time is a human right. Yep, we totally have vehicles to handle that because whether it's a road trip or a business trip where your flight's delayed, your phone's at 2% and your dinner is whatever is open, yep, here for that too. Enterprise. We're here for it.
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[0:22:21] Gavin: I just realized when I brought up earlier whether or not we'd done the intro like 15 minutes into the episode. No, we didn't do. It didn't even cause the intro to happen there. No. No, I give up fighting. Andrew beat me down. But he said he was wrong.
[0:22:33] Andrew: Yeah, I agree. I was saying that I shouldn't have done that. I was wrong about the intro.
[0:22:37] Geoff: I agree you were wrong about it but you beat it out of me now. It's up to you. If you guys want to do an intro, go ahead. I mean, there's no point in that word. Well, I agree. What's the point?
[0:22:44] Gavin: Jeff, did you cycle through a face intersection this week? What do you call that thing where the ghost laid you down?
[0:22:50] Geoff: Oh, the gentle? I got haunted by a gentle ghost? Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, on the bike. Oh, did I go through that intersection? Yeah, I went through this morning. Any supernatural activity? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. I even rode by your house two days ago. Okay. Seemed fine. Okay. I didn't stop by or anything. Just wanted to mention you appear to still live there. Congratulations. I do, yeah. Yeah, no, I've been through that intersection a ton of times since then. Probably, oh, I don't know, 12 times since that last recording? Nothing.
[0:23:21] Andrew: No, I have a thing. I have a thing to talk about. I forgot about this.
[0:23:24] Geoff: Okay.
[0:23:24] Andrew: I was wrong. I need to admit I was wrong about something.
[0:23:26] Geoff: Oh, God.
[0:23:27] Andrew: We had our big fruit bag conversation yesterday. Or not yesterday, last episode. Jesus, not yesterday.
[0:23:32] Gavin: Fruit bag?
[0:23:33] Andrew: We had an argument about is it a container, is it not a container, and I tweeted it out, and I said there's zero chance a single person calls this a container, and someone did. You were right. I was wrong. Gav. Gav. What do we do? Wait.
[0:23:47] Gavin: Andrew, what do you think has happened here?
[0:23:48] Andrew: I don't know. This is alarming, though. I don't like this. What happened?
[0:23:53] Gavin: Tell him, Jeff.
[0:23:54] Geoff: Well... It's possible that we posted the image on the Instagram account, and in the comments, Gavin might have, with some leading comments, encouraged people to use, to put those words together. Didn't you as well? It's possible I did as well, but we're not talking about me right now. We're talking about you. It's possible I did it first. Let me find the post while you tell it. Now, I can't confirm that they got the word container in their head because it's, once again, possible I said fruit container, and it's possible Gavin said container. We don't know for sure that that person read that and then transposed that over to you, but, you know, the timeline adds up pretty well.
[0:24:39] Gavin: So the image was posted. Jeff immediately commented, it was probably like the second comment, looks like some sort of fruit container to me. I was like the fifth comment, and I wrote, well, it's containing the fruit, fruit container, and then I think that has then spread onto Twitter, and then you screenshot the Twitter thing, and you're like, well, I'll be damned.
[0:25:01] Andrew: I will say, I did press this person on why they said container, and if they got it from YouTube, they did not break. Wow, I'm impressed. That's great. I asked what region they were from because I thought maybe this is a weird regional thing, and what made them say that, and it just, it felt like they were just trying to make a joke, but if they got it from YouTube, they did not indicate that in any way.
[0:25:22] Gavin: On a similar line, did you see what Jeff found in his book?
[0:25:25] Geoff: What? That's true. I texted you guys a picture today from the book I'm reading, the new Robert Galbraith book. Oh, I changed my number, so I didn't see that. What?
[0:25:35] Andrew: Are you fucking serious? Yeah, I changed my number. I don't, I don't know where that went. Why didn't you tell us? I probably should have.
[0:25:42] Gavin: So you've got multiple numbers, multiple slacks, multiple emails. How do we ever know if you're seeing
[0:25:48] Andrew: I only have like one real phone number. I just, I changed it recently, and, uh.
[0:25:53] Geoff: So the number I text you all the time isn't you anymore?
[0:25:57] Andrew: Oh, no. No. Hey, Andrew.
[0:26:00] Gavin: Does that mean you missed the last couple of farts as well?
[0:26:02] Andrew: What farts?
[0:26:02] Gavin: Oh, I'm, I'm trying to find out. I'm scrolling back to see when was the last time Andrew responded from this number. Oh, no.
[0:26:08] Andrew: It's been a little bit. You've done it again. I didn't, you know, I actually, I thought about yesterday. Should I text them that I changed my number? And I said, yes. Much like the intro, I was like, yeah, it's a good idea that I just kept on moving, moved on right by that thought.
[0:26:21] Gavin: August. End of August.
[0:26:23] Andrew: Yeah, it's been like, um, like a week, maybe. It hasn't been that long.
[0:26:27] Gavin: The last thing you said was, uh, my legal defense discord is like if the Farrelly brothers tried to write a John Grisham novel.
[0:26:34] Andrew: Yeah. That's factually correct.
[0:26:36] Geoff: I texted to Gavin and the person that got your number.
[0:26:40] Andrew: Am I still, I'm in the cover, here.
[0:26:42] Geoff: An excerpt from a book I'm reading. Wait, can you find it, Andrew?
[0:26:45] Andrew: Is it in our group chat?
[0:26:46] Gavin: Yeah.
[0:26:46] Andrew: I'm just gonna test.
[0:26:48] Gavin: If not, I can paste it into the discord and you can, and you can read it. Wait.
[0:26:51] Andrew: Did a new number just get added?
[0:26:52] Gavin: No.
[0:26:53] Andrew: Oh, I'm still in here. This is weird. It's like I'm in my own thing now, but it still shows. I got a new one now. Oh, wait. So this is now you.
[0:27:00] Geoff: This is now me.
[0:27:01] Gavin: Okay, so Jeff, send him the picture on that one.
[0:27:03] Geoff: Anyway, it's a page from the new Robert Galbraith novel, Troubled Blood, which is supposedly a little controversial, a little problematic, but I haven't gotten to that part yet. Robin Ellicott is referring to spending the night in a hotel. She wasn't planning on it, so all she had with her was her backpack, so she didn't have stuff like her toothbrush and whatnot, so she feels a little dirty. I'm just setting some, you want some color to this. So she said her backpack contained only what items she carried on her surveillance job. Item number one, a beanie hat.
[0:27:32] Andrew: I said I was willing to admit I was wrong on that. I just, I feel like all hats some kind. Maybe this is the proof that I am definitely wrong. I was less confident about that one. I was more, I feel very strongly a container has a lid, but the beanie not being a hat, I'm less, I'm less serious about.
[0:27:51] Gavin: What's a bag with a lid then?
[0:27:53] Andrew: It's not, what do you mean? What is a bag? Have you ever seen a bag with a lid? You're talking about a seal.
[0:27:59] Gavin: No, imagine like one of those plastic tubs you get, like a small crate with a lid, right? Right. Imagine you got, you got the lid, you got the rim, and then everything below that is a bag. What's that?
[0:28:08] Andrew: That doesn't exist. That's what that is. What are you talking about? It's not a thing. But what would it be? It would be a container because it has a lid.
[0:28:17] Gavin: Okay, so that's what qualifies it.
[0:28:19] Geoff: All right. So Andrew, I have a question because you're not on Instagram then. No, I'm not. That's correct. Someone has been sending Instagram posts beating your Garfield times. No way. Apparently, and I wish I had it to show it to you because the last one I saw, but I guess it disappears after 24 hours if it's in your time, your story or whatever. It said, I have beaten all of the times, but I left one for Andrew so that he can still have some dignity, but Lasagna Mountain got a lot smaller for him. I own Garfield now. Have you not checked your times lately?
[0:28:54] Andrew: Have either of you been in a pyramid scheme? What? I'm just asking. That's a natural pivot. I definitely have things to say about Garfield. My response to the Garfield thing is good job to that person. It's tough being on top of Lasagna Mountain. If anything, it's a relief. I'm glad I'm no longer there, but I argue that the bullshit of I gave them one time to feel good about themselves, that's the fastest fucking time on the planet. That's why they didn't beat it. It wasn't a pity move.
[0:29:22] Gavin: I feel like you're a little crushed about losing all these Garfield times. You were on this for months. Were you aware of it before this moment?
[0:29:29] Geoff: Yes, I was. Okay, I didn't figure it'd be possible for you to be ignorant of the fact that so many of your times had been beaten so thoroughly.
[0:29:37] Gavin: Were you hoping, Andrew, that we wouldn't find out and that we wouldn't think you were less impressive than you used to be?
[0:29:43] Andrew: No, in all honesty, I learned this yesterday because I'm not on Instagram, but somebody mentioned it to me and I said, what are you talking about? The throne is still fine. And then they showed me the post. Yeah, good for them. It's stressful being at the top. I was there for almost a year. I still have the fastest time anyone has ever seen. Feel good about that. They beat that, then I'm out of the game and who knows, maybe I'll come back. I'm just going to hide in the weeds a little bit. I'm going to do a Gavin and Halo move. I'm just going to wait for a while.
[0:30:10] Geoff: You're trapping Garfield times?
[0:30:12] Andrew: Yeah, well, I'm trying to get into the Xbox Hall of Fame at the moment, so I'm a little occupied.
[0:30:16] Geoff: I saw from a tweet that Ray is in the Xbox Hall of Fame somehow. Is it game of school based?
[0:30:21] Andrew: Sort of. It was like a promotion. They just inducted a bunch of people who were notable, I guess, for Gamerscore. But they're doing this contest where you can enter the Hall of Fame by either unlocking the most achievements by, I think, the middle of October, getting the most points or playing the most Game Pass games within that stretch. And it's account wide and only one winner per country. So I was trying to figure out what country had the smallest population that I could get into and try to claim victory of. North Korea, not an option. That was one of my immediate, didn't think they'd have a large user base or install base there. I don't know, Sweden maybe? Sweden, I don't know what the install base is. I need to do more research.
[0:31:03] Gavin: Now, I bet you got some competition in Sweden.
[0:31:05] Andrew: Probably. Maybe Iceland? I don't know if, yeah, I'll write that down. No, Iceland's too big. I would, maybe, not that big. It doesn't even need to necessarily be literal population. It's install base, right? So like, Tokyo, a lot of people, not many play Xbox. So that could be a viable option.
[0:31:22] Geoff: I bet there's some little like Andalusian mountain country you could pick that's got like 2,500 people.
[0:31:28] Andrew: I'll write it down. I'll have to go through. I'm in the research phase right now of all, just making sure I could even pull this off. I don't think they have a rule against it. That doesn't mean it will be approved that. They maybe just didn't anticipate.
[0:31:39] Gavin: I'm pretty sure you'd have to have, you can't just change your location, surely. Wouldn't you have to have a billing address there to make sure
[0:31:45] Geoff: you're from there?
[0:31:46] Andrew: No, I flip location on Xbox all the time.
[0:31:49] Geoff: Andrew probably has a billing address in every country in the world, right? He's like the Canadian born identity. He's got a passport and currency and a phone number and an email address. He could disappear tomorrow. Oh yeah, where's his money?
[0:32:05] Gavin: It's got to be spread across so many countries. I was thinking the other day, Andrew is the person I've known the longest, but in a ratio I know the least about. I know absolutely nothing about your day-to-day, your living situation. I don't know anything. I know that you sit next to a fire extinguisher once a week. That's about it for like how you live.
[0:32:24] Geoff: Still in a blanket fort.
[0:32:25] Gavin: Everything else is a mystery to me.
[0:32:27] Geoff: I assume you live like Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window. You just sit in a chair with a tartan blanket around you next to a fire extinguisher and look out the window hoping to catch homeless women peeing.
[0:32:36] Gavin: Do you think, Andrew, a good gift would be a telescope so that you could see the pee closer? No.
[0:32:41] Geoff: Yeah, like binoculars. No, I don't do that. I'm good.
[0:32:45] Andrew: Dude, Jimmy Stewart was a badass. There are worse people
[0:32:48] Geoff: to be compared to.
[0:32:49] Andrew: I'm not... My complaint wasn't with being compared to Jimmy Stewart. My issue was with, once again, the continued narrative that I have an obsession of watching homeless women pee and that I need a telescope for it. I was not arguing the Jimmy Stewart point, Jeff. Oh, you don't need the telescope? I don't do it so I don't need a telescope for anything. I'm not really into looking into the sky.
[0:33:10] Gavin: I can't believe you're turning down a free telescope here. It's a cool piece of kit.
[0:33:15] Andrew: They're expensive.
[0:33:16] Geoff: Think of all the fun stuff you could do with them.
[0:33:17] Andrew: What would be the fun stuff
[0:33:18] Geoff: I could do with them, Jeff? You could probably figure out a way to burn ants from your bedroom. That's cool. Wait, how? I don't know, like with refraction, right?
[0:33:26] Gavin: So wait, the telescope that's in his apartment, you think the sun is in there with him and he can focus?
[0:33:32] Geoff: He's got a window, Gavin. He can hang it out the window, put it on a pole, you know, attach the pole to a C-clamp. Dude, the guy, he lives in a pillow fort supported by, I assume, sofa cushions and a fire extinguisher.
[0:33:46] Gavin: That's just pretty convoluted. He'd be better off throwing a Molotov cocktail out the window if he wanted to burn an ant.
[0:33:52] Geoff: This seems very extreme. He's like a little, I mean, he's also, he's like a Bourne identity, but he's also a little bit like a MacGyver if you think about it.
[0:33:58] Andrew: Wait, could you use a telescope to do that even? Like logistically, would that work? That feels very extreme. I don't see why not. It'd be like calling in a hammer at dawn against an ant. Like the amount, normally it's the magnifying glass.
[0:34:11] Gavin: Yeah, I mean the sun is still much bigger than an ant though, like no matter what you use in between.
[0:34:15] Andrew: No, but I feel like it's more powerful with the magnifying, no, no, the telescope than it would be the magnifying glass. Am I wrong about that?
[0:34:22] Gavin: No, I mean if it's focused to a point, say of like two millimeters, it doesn't really matter what lens that you do that with, it's just that's the point. Like that's all the focus in that point. You could do, you could do like nine lenses or one if it's the same like surface area, surely it's the same power if unless you're losing, if it's like refracting and losing within the lens.
[0:34:41] Andrew: Wait, so the number of lenses wouldn't matter?
[0:34:44] Gavin: I mean I would say you're possibly going to lose more light if it goes through more pieces of glass.
[0:34:49] Andrew: That makes sense.
[0:34:49] Gavin: I mean like a photography lens, if it's a long lens, usually has a higher f-stop because of, why, who cares?
[0:34:59] Andrew: In my head, it makes more sense that a telescope would be more powerful than a magnifying glass.
[0:35:05] Gavin: You might be right. I'm just, I'm just guessing.
[0:35:06] Andrew: No, your guess is way more educated than mine. Mine is, it is longer and bigger so it would be more powerful. So, I think your logic probably wins.
[0:35:14] Geoff: Can I ask you guys your opinion on something? Yeah. I'm trying to decide if this is a f***ing face or not. This isn't me, but a couple weeks ago I was driving around Austin bored and a friend of mine who lives in South Austin had been telling me about this area that she lives by called Onion Creek. And Onion Creek was like a country club and a golf course and just like a little part of town in Southeast Austin, which by the way, like we used to go, the tech company that I worked at with Bernie and Gus who we started Rooster Teeth from, like that was where they had, at their country club was where they had like the shitty Christmas dinner every year. And like around like 2013, that area flooded really, really badly. There's this area in Austin called the 100-year floodplain and like supposedly once every 100 years it just floods like a motherfucker and it's hard to get insurance if you live in the floodplain, yada, yada, yada. So I guess it was so bad with, you know, climate change or if you don't believe in climate change, bad luck or whatever, it was determined that this is going to continue to happen. And so there were all these neighborhoods that were in Onion Creek
[0:36:14] Geoff: that were just in such danger of flooding, the city in 2018 did a buyback program and they bought back about 500 houses. So imagine two neighborhoods that are essentially 500 house neighborhoods. So they're pretty big. I think one was about 400 and the other one's about 100. So the city bought all these houses and I assume they paid fair price. It was like a joint venture between the state of Texas or the city of Austin and the Army Corps of Engineers. And so I think they went and they offered fair market value to these people and then people sold their homes. Then they bulldozed all the homes, all the 500 homes, and took out the power lines and took out any trees that they thought like ornamental trees that would become a danger to fall over if they weren't cared for. You know, like trees that aren't native to Texas that need to like that would be in your backyard. You know, you planted like a crepe myrtle or something. She was telling me about it. She was like, you should check it out. It's like post-apocalyptic. And so I drove over there and I've become obsessed with it, right? Because it's neighborhoods
[0:37:14] Geoff: with sidewalks and streets and in some cases like a trash can like at the street and sometimes an old mailbox and sometimes you see like a power generator where somebody's house used to be. But out of the 500 houses, 10 of them refused to sell. And so they're still there. With people living in it? Yeah. And it's fucking crazy because do you remember that movie? It was a book, but do you remember the movie Annihilation with Natalie Portman that was like a couple years ago? Yes. Yeah, it was weird. Yeah, the neighborhood looks like that. It's like it was 2018 they started the buyback program and they bulldozed all the houses. So it's all overgrown and kind of like East Texas swampy looking, but it's fucking gorgeous. So it looks like post-apocalyptic, right? It looks like the nature took over the neighborhood back. So do they like send people to collect the bins and stuff still or is that just... Yeah. So they cut power and they cut power lines everywhere but to these 10 houses. So the houses still have city water, they still have gas,
[0:38:14] Geoff: they still have electricity forever. The city didn't force the people to sell the houses. They just encouraged it and it became a good deal because of, you know, they were going to fucking flood. So you would think like the people that refused to sell totally f***ed face themselves, right? But they kind of didn't because those houses have been there since like the 50s and I think this place has flooded that badly once. In their lifetimes, I got to thinking about it, it probably won't flood that badly again. Maybe it will. I don't know. But they have an entire 500 house neighborhood to themselves. That's crazy. I bet there's like
[0:38:47] Gavin: barely any busyness noise. I bet they never have to put up with like the leaf blower next door. Their systems are never taxed. I bet their internet is racing fast because it's not split across hundreds of houses.
[0:38:59] Geoff: It's so weird and I've been kind of obsessed with the idea. Like I couldn't go buy a house there but I guarantee you if I drove you guys over there right now, you'd go, this is a beautiful neighborhood. You should build some houses here. This is awesome. But they essentially, like the city has turned it into in perpetuity parkland and so they've designated it like a city park or whatever. They've put some bike paths and stuff through it but it's just like this crazy weird area where you're driving through neighborhoods and you can see like a palm tree that used to be in somebody's backyard like 20 feet in the air that's like unkempt and just like super doesn't belong there and you can see where driveways used to be and what's left of in two years, just two years, the sidewalks are almost gone from like stuff going over it and there's just these like 10 people that just live where 500 houses used to be and they're the only homes.
[0:39:53] Gavin: It's crazy. I don't think that's a f***ing face. I think those holdouts will now be much more valuable than they ever would have been before because people might want that lifestyle if I bet you couldn't convince them to sell for anything cheap.
[0:40:04] Geoff: Like I don't know what the laws are behind it. Like I don't know if they can sell. Like I don't know if you can buy that property or if you sell you have to sell to the city or something. I don't know. Really? I really don't know, dude. I don't know. All I know is that the city still supplies services to those people and they have like imagine in your neighborhood, Gavin, if every house you could see got bulldozed but your house was fine and then all the debris and everything was moved away and then the city came in and they cut that grass twice a year. I read the city's plan on it. They cut the vegetation down twice a year. So it's essentially it's just like left to turn into fields and forests. I'm imagining
[0:40:41] Gavin: what happens in Fallout 4 in Sanctuary if you just like scrap all the other houses apart from your own. That'd be awesome. I'd be all for that.
[0:40:50] Andrew: Yeah, it's insane. So it's like the gamble is your house could be flooded at any point though, right?
[0:40:56] Geoff: Yeah, at any point. Like irrevocably flooded. Could you lift it up and put it on stilts? That's a great question. I don't know or do you build your own like little fucking moats and shit in your yard or build retaining walls? They just look like they're just going about their business. Like the houses look like they were in a neighborhood with another 400 houses. Like they don't look like anything special. They don't look fortified. They don't look great. They're not the nicest houses you've ever seen. Are you allowed to buy a crane and live in a house that's hanging off it?
[0:41:22] Andrew: No.
[0:41:22] Gavin: Why not?
[0:41:23] Andrew: Why not? I don't know why but no. The answer is no. You can't do that.
[0:41:27] Gavin: And then when it floods your crane gets wet
[0:41:29] Andrew: but you're still good. The crane starts going down and your house is just moving. You end up in a different neighborhood.
[0:41:36] Gavin: It lands like a block over because the crane tipped.
[0:41:40] Geoff: That'd be awesome. If you're in Austin and you know anybody that lives in Onion Creek Gavin we used to have a friend who lived in Onion Creek years and years and years ago. I never went to his house when he lived there but I don't know if they were in the part that like if they had to have their houses bought back or not but it's just fucking I haven't been able to stop thinking about this house and whether or not these people fucked themselves or whether they were brilliant. Now the buyback program is over so they can't sell the house to the city now. City's like nah fuck you. That ship's safe. You know? So if you lose that bet and that place gets flooded I think you're fucked. But um so I guess it's like as long as Mother Nature plays ball you're good. But man what a cool idea to live like essentially by yourself in a suburban neighborhood.
[0:42:23] Andrew: The people that remained are they spread out throughout?
[0:42:26] Geoff: Oh yeah. Yeah I read in an article that there were 10 surviving houses I only saw 6. I think there's areas I still haven't seen because it's kind of confusing but I would say they're um blocks away from each other.
[0:42:37] Andrew: I would be irate if I had a neighbor in that situation. Like I was the only house with a neighbor that'd be infuriating.
[0:42:43] Geoff: No absolutely.
[0:42:44] Andrew: Can you navigate via the roads pretty well?
[0:42:46] Geoff: Roads are totally fine.
[0:42:47] Andrew: I think I'd take that gamble. It's not a f*** face until it happens and it might never happen. Right. I think they're winning right now.
[0:42:53] Geoff: Let's go there. Yeah I'll take you. I'll take you sometime. We'll go. As soon as we can go places in a car together I'll f***ing drive you over there. It seems like somebody should have filmed a movie there by now.
[0:43:02] Andrew: I'll watch you too from my telescope.
[0:43:04] Gavin: I've just noticed it's 4.55 right? I have to do another show at 5. So if we start the outro process five minutes from when I need to be gone we should be done in time.
[0:43:15] Andrew: Do you think we'll find a new color in our lifetime?
[0:43:17] Gavin: Okay well. What does that mean? That's not the right direction.
[0:43:20] Andrew: Like invent a color? Yeah I mean do you think we'll find a new color?
[0:43:24] Gavin: What like the color Blemf?
[0:43:26] Andrew: Oh which is kind of cool if a magazine was like hey we found a new purple.
[0:43:29] Gavin: That would be purple. It would be like a shade of purple.
[0:43:32] Andrew: Well that's a new color though. A shade is certainly a new color isn't it?
[0:43:34] Gavin: Well I mean sure. I mean we surely have every visible or every color that's on our you know visible spectrum we've nailed. Are you talking like maybe we'll find something beyond ultraviolet that for some reason we can see?
[0:43:48] Andrew: I don't know how colors work I'm just wondering if we'll find a new one.
[0:43:51] Gavin: What would you name it?
[0:43:51] Andrew: I have no idea. I'm not the the Crayola company. They come up with that right?
[0:43:55] Geoff: Yes Crayola names they're the official naming entity of colors. I mean
[0:44:00] Andrew: who names colors? Is someone credited with naming a color?
[0:44:05] Gavin: I don't know. I think they all came from different languages based on different super old school shit maybe Latin or something.
[0:44:11] Andrew: But surely someone had to come up with it right? Someone had to be like that's red. Yeah. I feel like you guys are acting like this is an insane question. I think it's very reasonable.
[0:44:19] Gavin: It's not an insane question it's just it's like it's something I thought about when I was eight you know.
[0:44:24] Andrew: You still don't have an answer. You've been I just thought about this last week. How old are you now Gavin? 20 years no results? Looks bad on you.
[0:44:34] Gavin: You don't even have anything ready to go like where where could the color possibly be?
[0:44:38] Andrew: I will know I'm not I don't think
[0:44:40] Geoff: I'm going to discover a new color. Are you thinking that there's some combination of paint colors you could put together that nobody's thought of yet?
[0:44:49] Andrew: You put a little red in there a little green maybe a little brown put some orange
[0:44:53] Geoff: I don't think so shake it a little bit
[0:44:55] Andrew: I don't think so I just I don't know I was asking I was just asking a question
[0:44:59] Geoff: I'm going to say no let me ask you this do you believe in Mandela effects? Because I really want to but now I'm convinced after I've spent a lot of time on the subreddit that 99% of Mandela effects people just don't understand that movies are edited for TV
[0:45:13] Andrew: That's a great point I actually never thought about that angle some of them though aren't movie related it's like names right and spelling of words
[0:45:20] Geoff: Sometimes but mostly it's just people don't understand that movies are edited down for TV Like that color that just went missing? Yeah or that sometimes they put something in a trailer that doesn't make it into the film like the scene in Dumb and Dumber in the trailer when Lloyd Christmas is running down the jetway and then they back the plane up and he falls and he's like laying funny on the ground holding the briefcase I don't think that's in the movie but it's in the trailer
[0:45:42] Gavin: It is in the movie Is it in the movie? Of course it is It's like the best part of the movie Aside from the snowball in the face
[0:45:47] Geoff: that's the best part Then there's something in that scene that's in the trailer that's not in the movie
[0:45:53] Andrew: Did Jeff just fall for his own trap that he was complaining about?
[0:45:56] Gavin: I mean he also thought
[0:45:57] Geoff: chickens shat through their head skin That's true Hey we should probably stop though
[0:46:01] Andrew: Yeah
[0:46:01] Geoff: Before I look any dumber or Gavin's late Thanks for listening What about like
[0:46:05] Andrew: pillow? It's like a purple
[0:46:07] Geoff: and a yellow Shh Alright Thanks for listening rate five stars and subscribe whatever that means This has been episode 16 of F*** Face Thank you for listening and Nick go ahead and cut out anything where I look dumb or not super smart Cut out the whole Mandela effect thing because I look dumb in it Or at least the part where I talk about Dumb and Dumber I'm misremembering There's something in the trailer of Dumb and Dumber that's not in the film
[0:46:32] Gavin: There's something in the trailer of Lie Lie that's not in the film Also involving plane stairs Hmm Maybe that's what I'm misremembering
[0:46:38] Andrew: You ever see the Slender Man movie?
[0:46:40] Gavin: No I heard it was bad
[0:46:41] Andrew: There's a lot of stuff in the trailer that's just not in the movie
[0:46:45] Gavin: Nick and Eric haven't figured out that they need to drag us out and not move themselves into end show Gavin you're about
[0:46:50] Andrew: to officially be late
[0:46:51] Gavin: Well now we're just all in here That doesn't work Then the show's over Goodbye I have to go to a meeting
[0:46:56] Andrew: Goodbye
[0:46:56] Gavin: Oh he left
[0:46:59] Unidentified: Going on vacation? We're here for it With kids who turn the backseat into a courtroom drama over whose tablet is louder whose charger is faster and why watching the same cartoon for the hundredth time is a human right Yep We totally have vehicles to handle that Because whether it's a road trip or a business trip where your flight's delayed your phone's at 2% and your dinner is whatever is open Yeah Here for that too Enterprise We're here for it
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